The Story of My Broken Heart
by Yukari Saiga
Summary: I knew that this dream had to end. I just didn't know it would turn into my worst nightmare...
1. Chapter 1

_I knew that this dream had to end._

_I just didn't know it would turn into my worst nightmare._

We've been officially going out for 2 months and 13 days. Today would have made it 2 months and 14 days.

We never did make it to the 14th day of the 3rd month we have been together.

….I'm pathetic.

I'm sure you don't count the days, the minutes, the seconds we spend together. Unlike me.

Neither do you spend over an hour deciding on clothes to wear for our dates, what shoes will go together with your jeans. Unlike me.

Even though you showed me your kind and caring side, you have never uttered those three words that I so desperately want to hear from those lips. Unlike me.

I love you.

Is that so hard to say? Weren't the words supposed to come out naturally when you are with the one you love?

I should have taken the hint. To be honest, it was very obvious, the cool manner in which you composed himself in my presence. I on the other hand, had a hard time forming coherent sentences when talking to you. You, as the dominant one in the relationship, never offered to walk me back to my dorm after our evening dates. I understand that you have a reputation to upkeep, but wouldn't one sacrifice his reputation for the one he loves?

Of course he would.

The thing is, you never loved me, did you, Kaname?

All this while, I was in denial. I didn't want it to end, our relationship that has blossomed from enemies to…. something else.

Did you know? Were you aware, that I had harboured an unrequited love towards you for three years? Probably not. I myself, had my own reputation to upkeep in front of others. I told myself, until I was sure you were the one, I would not take action. After all, how would the Day Class girls react to seeing a guardian mooning over one of the Night Class? I can't help but laugh bitterly. I am just like those girls, ain't I? Reaching out for the unreachable? None of you Night Class students ever look at them, except Aidou, but he's just an attention-seeker.

But what hurt the most is, you led me on to believe that I actually had a chance.

That snowy night, when I first confessed my feelings to you, you said yes. You didn't even blink an eye, you agreed straight away. Were you that bored and lonely without Yuki, Kaname? That you would even take me as a substitute?

Then, I would have rather you said no and rejected me in the harshest way possible.

That could not compare to the feeling of my heart shattering into pieces, seeing you holding hands with her.

And look what you've done to me. I used to love Yuki as a sister. Now I just resent her, and her existence as a whole. Look what feelings you awakened within me. You brought out my dark side, the part of me that's vampire. So that's how you bloodsuckers are like, huh? Selfish, hateful bastards.

Yet I can't bring myself to hate you.

God, get a hold of yourself, Zero. You weren't raised to be this weak, my inner voice chastises.

But I am weak. My weakness is you. Your wish is my command. I am your dog at your disposal.

Would things have worked out differently if Yuki never came back? If she died in a plane crash, would you mourn her death for years? I would have mourned her passing as well, but not as much as you. Kaname, I know you would sacrifice your very soul to save her. I don't love her enough to do that, but I would sacrifice my soul for you.

This is such a twisted love triangle.

It was hours ago, when you dumped me.

_"Zero, let's break up."_

_"What... are you saying?"_

_"….Yuki's back. I…. love her."_

And just like that, you walked away and left me here, right at this very spot. Can you hear the sharp noise of glass shattering? That was my heart.

I've been soaked to the skin in the rain for hours, but I don't feel cold. I don't feel anything. Numb. My eyes stare blankly at thin air. There are no tears, because I cried inside my heart, and the sky cried with me.

I was at my limit, slowly reaching exhaustion and possibly, hypothermia. Whatever. I'm done with this life anyway. There isn't anything much worth living for.

_"Zero? Zero!"_

I hear your voice, sounding frantic. Go back to Yuki, Kaname. Forget about me. After all, I'm just a pitiful Level E.

Oh, wait. I feel your arms cradling my body against your chest. I must be in heaven then. It sure feels good to be dead.

My vision is slowly blurring. I feel so….. tired…. Maybe I'll sleep for awhile…. And maybe I'll dream of you, Kaname.

_Let this living nightmare turn into a sweet dream._

_And let me stay in this dream forever._

_A/N: That was... pretty morose. Even for me. =_=" But I just love angst... ah, sweet, sweet angst._

_By the way, if you really want to know, this is not a death fic. Zero DID NOT die. (how could I kill off one of my favourite characters? xD) I might leave this as a oneshot, or continue on... depending on feedback... I hope I did not make Zero... TOO out of character? *runs away* Its just that I love an emo-Zero... and I'm kinda an emo myself, sometimes (come on, did nobody notice that earlier? p) _

_Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this (possibly) oneshot! Reviews are welcome! =)_


	2. Chapter 2

Regret….

Every entity in this world knows the meaning of regret and has probably experienced it at least once. Vampires are of course, no exception…. Not even pure-bloods like me.

We creatures of the night who have lived through centuries have seen it all. War, peace, evolution. We could be considered wise compared to mere mortals, yet despite the general assumption, we are not perfect. Even the cruellest of vampires are capable of feeling regret.

I stare out the window at the dark night sky, thinking and contemplating. My mind absently pointed out that there are no stars in the sky tonight. Even the moon is barely visible, covered by dark clouds. It was to be expected since it has been raining for the whole day.

Somehow, the night sky reminds me of my dilemma. The dark starless night represents my loneliness, with nothing to light up my dull and monotonous life. The clouds symbolise confusion, as my mind is clouded by desires and obligations. The rain that has been pouring down since this afternoon clearly resembles my regret, for I have made many wrong choices. There are so many regrets in my heart.

When you approached me on that snowy night and confessed to me, I was surprised. Why would the Level E vampire hunter that has a personal vendetta against the whole vampire population confess to me, the pure blooded vampire prince that stole away the girl he thought he loved?

__

Zero, why did you pick me?

_And why did I say yes?_

That was the main question floating in my mind. Why was I so quick to accept your confession, without even batting an eyelid? You're a Level E vampire, vampire hunter, and a guy. It's not that I'm homophobic, most vampires go both ways. It's just that I've never fallen for a guy before.

_Fallen?_

My mind realises this terrible slip. Was I implying that I have actually fallen in love with you, Kiryuu Zero?

Preposterous!

Though not impossible.

I will not delude myself with illusions and lies, after all that is a human trait, and as a pure-blood, that trait is beneath me. You are easy on the eyes, that much I can say, and you're intelligent to boot. But we've been enemies ever since you tried to assault me when he was younger, so what has changed?

I am not in denial.

I am not in denial. I am not in denial.

I do regret saying yes.

I am not in denial. I am not in….

…_I am in denial_. I grimace visibly and feel like smashing my head into the wall over the sheer frustration of this new-found knowledge…. but I might break it.

The wall I mean, not my head.

The truth is, I do not regret saying yes to you, as the few months we were dating were the best months of my life. I hate to admit this, but you make good company. Your sarcasm, fiery temper and innocent naivety really attracts predators like me. You're the perfect prey, putting up a fight and refusing to surrender, till the predator stops playing and sinks its fangs into you. Your nervousness whenever you saw me was just another cute attribute that I love about you. Sometimes we kiss. Sometimes we hug. Sometimes we just sit next to each other, holding hands, feeling each other's presence in solitude.

No, I do not regret saying yes to your confession.

What I regret most are my actions from just a few hours ago.

* * *

_Yesterday, I received a phone call from Yuuki saying that she will be returning to Cross Academy during her college's vacation. While she went to a college across the country, Zero and I still stayed in Cross Academy. Headmaster Cross had recently converted Cross Academy into a private all-male's college, thus admitting fewer students than before to help protect the secret of the Night Class. The classes are still split into Day Class and Night Class, but with the lack of mobs of rabid fangirls, there is no necessity for guardians in the academy. After much persuasion, Zero has joined the rest of the vampires in the Night Class._

_I panicked when I received the news. I know that Yuuki liked me, one has got to be blind not to notice it during our days in Cross Academy when we were still high schoolers. What will she think when she finds out that Zero and I are going out? What if it puts a strain to their relationship? Zero wouldn't be able to handle the pain of his closest friend abandoning him._

_After thinking it through, I made my decision. It was obvious that someone would have to make a sacrifice for all of us to come through unscathed in this twisted love triangle._

_Before this goes too out of hand, I have to end this relationship._

* * *

_I was the first person to meet Yuuki this morning as she entered the academy grounds. Greeting her with a fake smile on my face, I offered to carry her bags in. But instead, she giggled and placed her hand in mine. With her strong grip, any efforts of resistance on my part would be too obvious. So, I endured the torturous walk back to the academy with Yuuki's hand in mine and the person herself babbling non-stop into my ear. Luckily I've learned to tune it out through the years._

_Unfortunately, I was unaware that we were being watched from the shadows._

_Once I got her settled in, I gave an excuse to get away from her. She chirpily announced that she'll be looking for Zero. I groaned inwardly. Looks like I'll have to avoid Zero for the whole afternoon._

_But it's not like it'll make a difference. After hearing what I have to say, by tomorrow Zero will be the one avoiding me, I thought sadly._

_I went to his room, and making sure that he wasn't there, left him a note._

"Meet me by the forest at 6.00.

Kaname."

* * *

_Seeing the smile on your face nearly broke my resolve. I like your smile that you so rarely showed. I like to see you happy._

_What I'm about to do will make you hate me for the rest of your life. _

"_Kaname…" _

_You sound so happy to see me. You shouldn't be. _

_I can't believe I'm doing this to you. But if it's the only way…._

"_Zero, let's break up." _

_At those words, your expression changed, to one of anguish and pain. Immediately I want to go to your side and gather you in my arms, but I restrained myself. I need to see this through._

"_What… are you saying?"_

"_Yuki's back. I…. love her." _Not as much as I love you_, I silently added._

_Before I could change my mind, I quickly walked away. _

_Just then, the sky turned dark and it started to rain. I hate myself for doing this to you, but I know how much you treasure your ties with Yuuki. I guess we have to try to forget each other and move on._

Easier said than done_._

_I don't want to forget you, Zero. I don't want to move on. _

_Am I crying? I can't tell with the rain drops trickling down my face. _

_I feel like screaming. The world is so unfair!_

* * *

Why was I so _stupid? _

After thinking about it, I realise how foolish my actions were. I grab my coat which is hanging behind the door and ran out of my room to get outside. Jumping through the window would have been faster, but with such heavy rain I won't be able to control my fall.

_Zero, hang in there…._

* * *

_A/N: I don't really like this chapter. Bleh. I was trying NOT to make Kaname emo-ish, cuz to me he's more of the silent, noble, confident type. Yeah, I'm proud to admit that there was Yuuki-bashing. She's plain annoying. *hides from Yuuki fans*_

_Now I feel Kaname is being OOC. I mean, I wrote him with a sense of humour! *dies* Somethings wrong with 's formatting, so some of the parts might have been formatted wrongly. And there might be grammatical mistakes, I overly-confused myself with present tense and past tense and all that till in the end I gave up, and posted this chapter to get it over with. I can't wait to write the next chapter!_

_By the way, thanks for all the encouraging reviews, story alerts, author alerts, favs, etc.! *glomps everyone* I hope you'll continue reading! ^^_


	3. Chapter 3

I ran and ran, as fast as I could through the pouring rain, splashing through puddles in search of Zero. My feet led me to the place where I dumped him, as though my instincts could tell his location. As I emerged through the bushes into the clearing, I found my instincts to be correct. There he stood, at the centre of the clearing, soaked to the bone.

"Zero? Zero!"

After calling his name once, I rushed to catch him as he swooned before suddenly collapsing. There he lay, unconscious and shivering in my arms, all because of my selfish and stupid actions. I hate myself for putting him through all this.

_If it were just me and you, wouldn't we be happier? If I wasn't a pureblood vampire, and if you weren't a vampire hunter, things would be so simple. Free of our obligations, we would be allowed to love each other freely, unbound by rules or destinies. There won't be any secrets between us. It would be just you and I. _

Unfortunately, the fates are cruel and alas, ours is a forbidden love.

I brushed a soaked strand of silver hair from Zero's face, revealing his beautiful features. His high cheekbones, his long eyelashes… they were certainly a sight to behold. Sadly, those perfect features were marred by a slight frown.

And again, I was the one that caused this. I put this frown on his face. I was the one that caused him sadness and misery through my actions.

_This is all my fault. If only I hadn't acted like I did, none of this would have happened._

Though as much as I would like to beat myself up on the inside and wallow in guilt, getting Zero to somewhere shaded and warm was my first priority. He was shivering visibly, jerking violently from time to time. I carried him in my arms and cradled him closer to my chest, trying to let some warmth seep into him and at the same time shade him from the rain. My body temperature may be lower than the average human body temperature, but it was still better than nothing.

From where I stood, the closest shelter was the stables. I broke into a run towards it, desperate to get Zero out of the rain. I burst through the open doors of the stables, away from the rain. It is much warmer in here. After laying Zero and adjusting him so that he was lying comfortably against a stack of hay, I shut the doors to stop the harsh gale from coming in. I then turned back to attend to Zero. I took off my coat and draped it over him to keep him warm. I would have lighted a fire, but it was too dangerous considering that nearly everything in the stables was combustible.

The whole place smelled like horses, but as long as it was warm, nothing else matters. Some of the horses were agitated. They could probably sense a vampire in their midst, or maybe they were just terrified of the lightning flashes from time to time. Thankfully, they settled down after a few minutes.

Suddenly, I felt something moist and soft poke the side of my face and released a puff of air into my ear. I whirled around to come face to face with Lily, the horse that seemed to have taken a liking towards Zero. She settled down next to Zero and tossed her mane a few times while snorting. I got the message and repositioned Zero so that he was leaning against Lily's warm body before sitting down next to him. I wished I could provide a source of warmth for him too, but with my body temperature, it wouldn't do him much good.

And at that very moment, for the first time in my life, I found that I was jealous of a horse.

_My, my, Kuran. You have really sunk to the lowest of the low._

I smiled bitterly at the unconscious form next to me. _That's not true. I've changed so much, because of you, Zero. You made me into a better person, and I'm forever indebted to you for that. Once all this is over, I'll make you forgive me for my sins. I will never give up in winning back your heart. So please, Zero. Forgive me, and give me another chance. I won't fail you again. I promise._

And with that thought lingering in my head, I fell asleep next to Zero.

* * *

I woke up groggily. Where am I? The last thing I remembered was standing in the rain…

The rain. I stood there for hours after being dumped by Kaname, the pureblood prince that was supposedly my enemy but whom I am deeply in love with.

It hurts. It still hurts. My heart aches so much, I can't even breathe.

Then, I turned to face my left, and set my eyes upon my ex-boyfriend.

And just like that, the dam collapsed and my sobs came out uncontrollably. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. It may be degrading to cry in front of another person at my age, but right now it doesn't matter. I needed to let it out. I wanted to wash away all the grief that is consuming my mind, body and soul.

_K-kaname…._

"Zero?"

_Oh no. _

_No, no, no, I don't want you to see me like this!_

I took a few shuddering breaths and willed my tears to stop. Maybe he wouldn't notice since half of my face is engulfed in the shadows…

"Zero," he called my name as he cupped my cheek with his hand. I flinched back and couldn't control the stray tear that fell onto his hand.

"Stay away from me, Kuran,"I warned him with as harsh a voice as I could muster, trying not to stutter out the words. I refuse to throw away my remaining dignity. I would not show him my weak side any longer! I saw the emotions running in his eyes, hurt, sadness, regret.

Kaname made no other attempt to touch me and kept at a respectful distance from me.

"Listen, Zero, I'm – "

_*THROB*_

The rest of his words were overpowered by the sudden throbbing in my heart, my heartbeat quickening and my vision turning red.

_*THROB*_

My fangs elongated and even though I couldn't see for myself, my eyes were changing colours.

_*THROB*_

I gasped, clutching my head in my hands, desperately trying to hold on to the small part of my mind that was still sane.

* * *

I watched in horror as Zero suddenly clutched his head in his hands, a look of immense pain crossing his features. He let out a small whimper, his breathing harsh and loud. I reached out to help him but he suddenly snapped at me.

"Get away from me!"

His eyes kept changing colours, from lilac to blood red to crimson to lilac yet again. I could sense it. He needed to feed, after being weakened so much standing for hours under the rain. He was fighting the change, struggling to defeat the instinctual hunger that rose within him. I pulled him to me in an embrace and exposed my neck to him.

"Kana…me…." he gasped.

"Shhh…. Drink, Zero."

Even up till the end, he didn't stop fighting the Level E within him. Until his fangs penetrated my skin.

The Level E took over, and his eyes turned dark crimson. I felt his fangs penetrate the soft skin of my neck into the vein below. It was a feeling akin to euphoria, the sensation of him sucking my life source out of my body. Suddenly, I felt something damp on my shirt. I shifted my eyes to look at Zero. There were tears falling down his cheeks, mixing with my blood and slightly stinging the puncture wound on my neck. Zero had withdrawn his fangs from my neck, having taken enough blood to regain control on his body. He was silently sobbing while clutching my shoulders for support, mumbling something softly. Concerned, I strained my ears to hear what he was saying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…. Oh God Kaname, I'm so sorry…."

* * *

A/N: First, thanks to all of you reviewers. Its nice hearing feedback from you guys. I'm sorry for not updating for a few weeks. I just couldn't get the feel of it. I wrote the chapter halfway and then scrapped it because it wasn't angsty enough for me x) so yeah. technically I'm to blame for the late update. I'm not really happy with this chapter. I think it could have been more expressive and more emotional, but it looks like this is all the angst I could muster today. =( I'm disappointed in myself _ I'll try to make the next chapter better...


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm pathetic._

You have already made it clear to me that our relationship was over, and yet I'm still so dependent on you. Inside, I laugh wryly. My whole life practically depends on you now, since I can't go around drinking blood from random people or Yuki even. The taste of your blood is so addictive, everything else tastes bland in comparison. So every time the Level E awakens, I crawl towards you, begging for your blood to ease my pain. To keep me alive. It is a great blow to my pride, but the only consolation I get is that I'm not fully conscious when I take those actions.

_I'm weak._

When I saw your neck exposed to me, the inner animal within me overpowered me. I didn't have the strength or willpower to go against the primal instincts that awoken within me. Even when I'm in full control of my mind and body, I badly need to sate the burning hunger within me. I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes, I do not even put up any resistance to defy my inner instincts. In the end, I could only watch through my eyes as my body is controlled by the beast inside.

_I'm despicable._

When my fangs finally pierce your skin, when I feel the sweet yet coppery taste of your blood run down my throat, I only long for _more_. I'm insatiable, sucking more blood than I can swallow, wasting the precious nectar as it drips down my chin to stain my clothes. I'm sure it hurts, the way my fangs tear at your skin to gain access to your artery. I blame it all on the Level E though, since I'm just that selfish. I'm surprised I'm still alive, seeing as you can destroy me in a glance for _daring_ to even taste your pure blood.

I hate myself.

I know you only tolerate me because I'm Yuuki's friend. I bet if I wasn't, you wouldn't even give me a second glance. Even if you did, I'm sure you would only see me as trash on the ground, staring at me in disgust, appalled by my very existence. I'm well aware of that. I'm useless, only causing trouble to those I care about.

I can't bear it. All of it.

Deep inside, I'm bleeding.

I want to die. I want to die a painful death, preferably by your hands.

I deserve that at the very least, for what I've done. I deserve to rot in the fires of hell for being so selfish and despicable.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…. Oh God Kaname, I'm so sorry…."

I didn't realise I was crying until I finally extracted my fangs from your neck. It was as if all the strength had left me, because I'm left clutching helplessly at your shoulders to stay upright, which is ironic considering that drinking your blood was supposed to strengthen me. There's no use in trying to hide my tears now, you would have already noticed it.

If you don't hate me already, I'm sure you'll hate me more after this. I'm angry with myself for being so emotional and of all things, I actually feel self-pity towards myself. What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be stronger than this!

But being here with you, our proximity so close I could feel your breath against my skin, it's as though all the rules didn't apply and the very laws of nature are turned upside down.

I'm lost. Without you, it's all over. I can't live without you, but being alive with you is slowly killing me on the inside. I wish I'd never existed.

_Maybe then, you would have been happier._

* * *

I stared at him. Why was he apologising?

"Zero…"

I pulled him into an embrace, effectively muffling the sounds he made as he sobbed into my shoulder in helpless abandon. It breaks my heart seeing him like this, so defenceless and so unlike the stoic vampire hunter he was supposed to be. I hugged him closer, allowing his head to rest on my shoulder. We stayed in that position for a long time, even after Zero's sobs have subsided. It was nice just to hold him like this, and he wasn't pulling away from me either. My lips formed a small smile. It was easy to imagine that all the events that transpired today didn't happen, that we were still together.

_Everything feels right when I have you in my arms._

* * *

As much as I would have liked to continue holding him, I needed to resolve the situation, so with regret, I pulled away from him. His head was facing downwards so that his silver hair obscured his face. I brushed away the strands of silver from his face. He was avoiding my glance, averting his eyes someplace else. There was an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air. Both of us obviously have words to say, but we're both waiting for the other to speak up first. I guess I'll speak first.

But before I could utter a word, he broke the silence. "I should really get going. Thanks, Ka- ….. Kuran-sama…"

He stood up and headed towards the exit, with me staring at his back in shocked silence. Did he just call me… _Kuran-sama_?

_No…._

"Zero!"

But it was too late to stop him. He has already made his way out of the stables and I'm left alone to gather my thoughts. Why was he being so formal with me? So respectful? He has never referred to me as Kuran-sama before. I sigh forlornly. It was like he has put up barriers in between us. Barriers that I'm willing to destroy to bring back the Zero I know.

_Just you wait Zero, I'm not giving up without a fight…_

_Even if I have to break you all over again in order to fix your heart, so be it._

_For our love, it's worth the sacrifice._

* * *

A/N: OMG cheesy line cheesy line! *points at last line* the more I read it, the more it sounds a little wrong though. Oh well. It's 2.50 a.m., what's to be expected? xD though really, despite the time and everything I would NEVER release a chapter until it meets my expectations - one of the reasons for my late updates.

In this chapter, I'm trying to portray that Zero and Kaname both have selfish sides. I simply cannot imagine one giving himself totally to the other without qualms, cos it seems a lil fake to me. But they still love each other 3 even though Zero's deluded that it's one-sided…. Hmmm… I seem to be making this story longer and longer by adding the "Kuran-sama" part there. That's gonna be a few chapters more than what I've estimated. Oh well. =)

Last but not least, thanks to all the reviewers who reviewed *glomps*. It's kinda sad that the number of reviews decrease after each chapter, but I suppose it's just not as good huh? =( well whatever I'm still happy for all the reviews, alerts, favs and all. So whoever's reading, keep on reading! ^^ however I won't be updating for the next 3 weeks or one whole month because of my finals. Yeah, it's ONE month long *dies* I'll be back, don't fret! xDDDD


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